Josh Hoffman with JBMB Properties in Newport, RI reached out and wanted to do a spotlight interview series on my new book, The Swipe Right Effect: The Power to Get Unstuck. I gratefully agreed and we had a lot of fun and some great conversation.
So one of the things that I did take away, one of the many things that I took away, from the book was in walking with you constantly, you have such a literary mind. And I think it's amazing that you can quote, the lines or poets or authors that have impacted you in some level and you take it back with you. But what I think is great is that I can see this happening in this book, where those workshops and those practices that can become what I would call it a life reference. I have one or two books that I constantly come back to. I have a podcast that I constantly go back to every so often. One of them is very, very brilliant. It's called the Price of Admission. And I don't know if we've spoken about that before.
I can't wait to hear about that.
And that'll definitely be in a different discussion. But the overall idea of that is when you are with someone, or when you choose to do something, you know what the benefits are, you know what the negatives are. And if you decide to move forward, there are prices of admission that you have agreed to.
But obviously, people can change, we can get worse and all that stuff. So it's heavy. But whenever I'm having any sort of turmoil in my relationship, I like to listen to that. And then I remind myself, he was always allowed. Sure.
But to not digress too much further, I think the practices in here especially can become those life references. There's no reason why, and correct me if I'm wrong. As I see it, my vision board right now is my permanent vision board.
There's no reason why I think that my resume right now is going to be my permanent resume in three years. When I'm thinking to myself, “How am I sinking? How am I sinking in quicksand again? How am I, you know, hitting a brick wall again? What am I doing wrong?”
I thought I dealt with this or dealt with something three years ago, I think there's always going to be things in your life where you can come back to this and do something or if one doesn't make sense to you in this moment, right now, from where I'm at. Right? It might make sense to me in 10 years.
Totally. And you know, life has triggers. And unconsciously, we go back to points in our life where we were, we felt insecure or we felt hurt, or there was pain, or somebody didn't like you. And so, if you know there's a trigger for that, and I've been reading a lot about this, how do you go back and inform your subconscious from the past? That you're okay, now.
And so, do you know, I mean, because I think about when something happened to me when I was 16. And I'll see something in a movie that’s similar to what happened to me and it triggers this racing heart.
I'm trying to learn about that. And I look forward to writing about that. I think there's always going to be triggers that take you back to some time in your life when it hurt.
And that was the process I walked through to try to tamp down what it felt like to find out there was infidelity in my marriage, what it felt like to realize my hopes and dreams for my marriage were over. And that feeling just kept coming back to me and coming back to me. And I finally got control over it.
And it's because I kept doing those practices. I kept doing the exercises. I kept working on it. I didn't give up on myself. And now that feeling is under control. And I don't have the trigger when I see it in the movie that the husband is cheating on the wife. B it takes so much work.
I guess that’s part of the lesson too is don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on you. Don't give up on that 16 year old. Don't give up on that scared wife of five years ago. Don't give up on you.
But realize that life is going to hand you something that's going to make you go back to a time of pain. And within, you become that 18 year old again. And you have to just look at that. You know, close your eyes, see the 18 year old who's scared to death, and say “Honey, it's all gonna be okay.”
“Look, we're okay. Look at me.” And you know you have this weird subconscious. But I learned that from Katherine Woodward Thomas in “Calling in “The One.” I learned that from her.
That is not one of the exercises in the book, but I have something similar but that changed my understanding of how I was reacting to things. I really came a long way after I could think, “Okay little 16 year old Kelly, it's all gonna turn out okay. So you can stop reacting like that .”
Yeah. But having those ‘coming to terms’ moments, because there are many of them. And then in facing yourself and also everything else that's happened. When you get to the chapter, Forgiveness, subsequently everybody else or anybody else that has impacted you. Or you feel like you need to forgive or want to forgive. It's very hard, constantly putting yourself through that and reminding yourself of what occurred in order to be able to get past it.